Created on 8 June 2021

Where do we find the positives?

Hand in glove with mental ill health is the negativity we feel about ourselves. The 3am thoughts where past conversations, actions or inactions come to haunt us and leave us questioning our very purpose in life. Left unchallenged the negative nagging voice sets the benchmark for the next day, week or months.

The nagging voice feeds on negativity, growing stronger with each acknowledgement you give it. So this week I decided to put it on a diet and feed it positivity and took the time to reflect on my positive actions. I supported a friend who has just had surgery by phoning her every day to see how she is progressing, cracking jokes and employing our usual black humour until we both felt better. I listened to another who had fallen out with her daughter in one of those silly family arguments that come from nowhere and ends in a lifetime of soul searching and recrimination but are forgotten as quickly as they started. I baked a cake and cooked favourite family meals because it made me feel good. I had a long conversation about the breakdown of relationships, moving home and how out of all that chaos there are positives; you get to make your own choices without involving anyone else, you have the freedom to pursue your interests without putting the needs of another first; instead of being a “half” of someone else’s life you are the “whole” of yours.

I’ve never really subscribed to the old adage “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”. At the time it is happening it sure can feel like it is killing you but when you are strong enough, if you step back you may well find that what you have lost wasn’t really worth keeping.   There’s a positive!


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